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I’m an alcoholic. Well, almost. I am immersed waist-deep in the suburban mom wine culture, that’s for sure. More on that in a bit. Actually, I’m not an alcoholic, but my mom was. So much so that she actually drank herself to death when I was 9 and she was 39. Nice, huh? So I have a lot, I mean a LOT of baggage when it comes to drinking, parenting, and self-examination. Not wanting history to repeat itself and all that. An alcoholic Mom. Despite my less than stellar childhood, for decades I gave her a pass on the drinking. She came from a genetic line of alcoholics and “It was the 1970s,” I’d think to myself, “No one was really talking about alcoholism.” I mean, after all, the Betty Ford center didn’t open until 1982 (my mom died in 1979). And no one, I mean, no one was talking about women and alcoholism. If my family and neighbors knew, they didn’t talk to each other about it. Or they did in whispers. I figured she was doing the best she could at the time. Becoming a Suburban Wine Mom. Then I had kids. And like most parents will tell you, having kids completely changes your emotions, your views on life, everything. When I look at my kids and feel that overwhelming love for them, and you just want everything and nothing all at the same time. Didn’t she feel that? Wasn’t I good enough? I mean, when I look at my kids, if nothing else, I am constantly reminding myself that I would never subject them to the childhood that I had. Why didn’t my mom want this for me? So this is why I supermom. Why I bake cookies and grow a garden and am constantly on the go showing my kids new things and volunteering and being PTO president. (I told you, I have a lot of baggage!) I am always doing whatever I can to not be my mom. Which was passed out drunk at 3:00 when I got home from school. And usually still passed out in the morning so I had to fend for myself a lot. My dad traveled frequently for business and she usually kept it under control when he was around. Moms who drink too much. But in the midst of all that I was doing, I was drinking. Frequently. Not ever driving or while pregnant or breastfeeding. Not falling down, passing out, vomiting drunk (yes, my mom did that too). But just a glass or two of wine in the evenings. My kids were always fed, clothed and bathed and nurtured. But wine was always a part of my evening routine. Am I overthinking it? And given my history, I think about it. Too often. I overthink it. I read books, articles, watch tv shows and documentaries. Any data that I can find to reassure me that I am not an alcoholic. Several years ago, Elizabeth Vargas came out openly as an alcoholic and has written a book about her struggles. I’ve always liked her so I read the book and watched her on 20/20. But hey, she was always trying to hide her wine. In bathroom cabinets, the classic mom alcoholic. I wasn’t doing that, so that must mean I’m not an alcoholic, right? I will add here, that the main takeaway from Vargas’ book and the story is the link between women with anxiety and alcoholism. I struggle with anxiety issues, as did my mom. I did not realize that about half, yes half, of all female alcoholics struggle with anxiety. That was a huge red flag to me, as during the past 2-3 years with Kevin’s seizures and the way this country is headed, my anxiety has gotten worse. And what can I say, wine relaxes me. That’s why people drink it. I mean, I never hide my drinking. For suburban moms, it’s a part of the mom culture. You know it is. We joke about it. All the social media memes about it. Funny t-shirts, funny wall plaques for your kitchen, kitschy wine glasses and coffee mugs with funny wine sayings on them, right? Wine jokes and memes are everywhere! Wine Moms. I mean, as my friend Lindsay pointed out today, as she stops drinking, she will probably be the only woman in her neighborhood who doesn't drink. My friend Lindsay, we chat almost daily. Mom stuff, kid stuff, blogging stuff, wine stuff. And during discussions about how we sleep better without wine and such…we decided that we want to stop. Over the years, we have stopped for weeks or months at a time. This time felt different. It started with Chrissy Teigen and her public decision to stop drinking. When I read a few of the articles and saw her on TV, her thoughts just really resonated with me. Elizabeth Vargas’ situation did not resonate with me, but Chrissy did. I could identify with her and thought, “Hmm, maybe I’m not an alcoholic, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stop drinking.” Then Lindsay suggested I read the book “Almost Alcoholic” which she was reading. That book sealed the deal for me. Basically, the premise is this. Just because you’re not a full-blown, physically dependent on alcohol alcoholic, doesn’t mean that you don’t have a problem. How bad is my problem? I don’t know, I’m still self-examining. But the self-tests and questionnaires in the book are enough to give me some red flags. I have a strong family history of both anxiety and alcoholism. I remember my grandfather, who was an alcoholic–and his wife, my grandmother used to say, “Oh how I wish that just once he would wake up with a hangover, that might stop him from drinking.” Like him, I infrequently get headaches from wine, and it is socially acceptable for moms like me to drink wine, frequently and lots of it. That’s a dangerous combination for me. So I’m stopping. It’s scary. Fact is, I don’t really know how to “mom” without wine. It’s been a part of our household, our holidays, for as long as I can remember. But it’s expensive. I’ve gained weight as I am barreling towards age 50 and my metabolism slows down. I need a good sleep. I need to regain and retain patience, extra patience that is required when raising a medically complex child. I want to do better for my children. I want to accomplish more, because when I have wine in the evening, nothing gets done after dinner. What a waste of precious time! Mom Wine Marketing. Ladies, we are being marketed to! According to the Chicago Tribune, 60% of wine customers are women. And, the alcohol industry has sat up and taken notice of this. So many things are put in place to encourage us to drink more wine. Wine sellers advertising during the Super Bowl (50% of Super Bowl watchers are female) Wine becoming more accessible, easier to purchase because moms are busy and want convenience. In stores, you now often will see suggested pairings, so that buying wine at the grocery store will be as natural as buying food. All sorts of glasses, mugs, aprons, framed art, t-shirts, hats, key rings, note pads, refrigerator magnets and other tchotckes all that reinforce the message of, “hey, drinking wine is part of being a mom.” What’s worse, is that as marketing efforts have increased and women are drinking more, bad statistics followed. As reported by the CDC, women and drinking is a growing health concern. Is it a coincidence that these statistics happened when the wine industry started to actively target their campaigns toward women? No. This is why I want Moms to reevaluate their wine habits: Alcohol-related deaths are twice the amount as any and all other drugs, combined. One recent study found women are now drinking almost as much as men, closing a historically wide gap. Another study found rates of binge drinking increased by 17.5 percent among women between 2005 and 2012, but rose just 4.9 percent among men for that same period. The rate of alcohol-related visits to U.S. emergency rooms spiked by almost 50 percent between 2006 and 2014, especially among women, the government announced in January. From 2000 to 2015, death rates for chronic liver disease and cirrhosis — often associated with alcohol abuse — increased 57 percent for women 45 to 64 years old, and 18 percent for women ages 25-44, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported. Our “giving up alcohol” stories. Lindsay is into week 3 of her 30-day sobriety challenge. For me, I think if I look back at the past 20-22 days, I’ve had two glasses of wine in that time. (author's note--this post is from 2016 or 17) My head feels clearer. I’m sleeping better. I’m not feeling overwhelmed with morning tasks because I am getting more stuff done in the evenings. I have more patience. I’m reading more, finishing books at a much quicker pace. My skin is clearer. It’s back to school time and I have a big social event on Saturday. I likely wouldn’t drink anyway because I’ll have to drive. But still, it’s on my mind as other friends are already talking about how much they plan on drinking. But as Lindsay has said, once it’s off the table as an option, it’s not that hard. Sure, some evenings I get the feeling of “I could really go for a glass of wine right now” but then I think of my kids, and all these thoughts in this blog post that are swirling in my head, and the money, and it’s a no-brainer. I kinda regret all the money that my household has spent on wine in the past few years. I wanted to get these thoughts out of my head, so here they are. If you are having doubts or concerns or wondering about your own situation, I strongly recommend that you check out the books I’ve recommended. Almost Alcoholic points out, just because you don’t meet the DSM 5 criteria for an alcoholic, does not mean that change isn’t needed. I needed change, and I’ve found it. I have another friend who also gave up drinking in the past couple of years, and to quote her, “No, I wasn’t an alcoholic, I just decided that I don’t want alcohol to be a part of my life anymore.” That pretty much sums it up for me too. Author’s Update: Now that I have been sober for the better part of two years, I can’t tell you how much better life is. My health is better. I’ve lost weight and I have more energy, more patience. And, the more I read about the poison that is alcohol, the more I am confident I will spend the rest of my time not drinking it. And, I’ve heard from so many of you who are also on this same journey and feel so much better for doing it. (that update was posted in 2018 or 19) To my family: If you are reading this and are disturbed or hurt that I am “airing dirty laundry,” well, too bad. We need to be able to talk about alcoholism. If we could talk about it and not hide it, she might still be alive today. Nothing that I’ve said is untrue, and many families are struggling with it. Doesn’t mean they/we are bad people…and we need to stop treating it that way. 2025 Addendum: I'm not a mental health or alcoholism counselor and I don't play one on the internet. But, if you find yourself struggling, please feel free to reach out. I also recommend the following books or podcasts: Quit Like a Woman, This Naked Mind, Almost Alcoholic, Take a Break. If you are a mom/woman questioning this, re-evaluating and so on, I strongly recommend that you read and listen to things by women. The dynamics between men vs women and alcohol are very different. Honestly, it's been so long at this point, I don't really miss "my" mom, but I definitely miss having "a" mom. Because I never really did. I'm sure there were good times, but the traumatic times are what we remember. What an incredible life wasted--gone at 39, acute alcohol poisoning.

You’re right to be worried, and you’re also right to push back because what you’re describing raises both IEP and discrimination concerns. A few key points: IEP coverage of absences. If your child’s medical and mental health needs require frequent appointments or cause him to miss school, that can and should be addressed in the IEP. For example, the team can add accommodations such as “excused absences for medical/therapy appointments will not be counted toward truancy” or “work will be provided in advance/alternative format when absences occur.” Placement decisions. Moving him back to his old school because of absences isn’t an IEP team decision, it sounds more like an administrative threat. Under IDEA, placement must be determined by the IEP team based on his needs (34 C.F.R. § 300.116), not as punishment for medical absences. Discrimination concerns. Since the absences are tied to documented disabilities (ADHD and anxiety) and medical treatment, punishing him for that could be a violation of Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, which prohibits disability discrimination in schools. North Carolina angle. NC has compulsory attendance laws, but excused absences for medical reasons are not supposed to trigger punitive measures. A school cannot override federal law (IDEA/504) with a local policy. What you can do next: Ask for an IEP meeting to discuss how absences impact his education and write in accommodations/supports around this. Put your concerns in writing to the principal and district, document that these absences are medically necessary and excused, and that moving him would not be appropriate or supportive of FAPE. If they keep pressing, you can escalate by filing a state complaint or a 504 complaint with the Office for Civil Rights. You’re not overreacting....schools can’t use absences related to a disability as a reason to deny services or change placement. Getting it into the IEP is the best way to protect him moving forward.

First, I am embarrassed--but this post never sent a notification, I just found it "hidden" when I was trying to do something else.

First, I am embarrassed--but this post never sent a notification, I just found it "hidden" when I was trying to do something else. You’re right to be asking these questions, because the way your child is being handled raises some serious red flags under IDEA. 1. Emergency removals. Schools can remove a student for dangerous behavior, but when this becomes a pattern (even if each removal is under 10 days), the law says the team has to look at whether it adds up to a “change of placement.” It’s not just about one long suspension—it can also be when a series of removals shows a pattern. IDEA: 34 C.F.R. § 300.536 talks about this. 2. Alternate Learning Placement in the building. If your child is being regularly sent to another room for part or all of the day, that’s effectively a change in placement—even if the district says it isn’t. Placement decisions must be made by the IEP team, not unilaterally by staff in the moment. IDEA: 34 C.F.R. § 300.116 (placement decisions by IEP team, based on the IEP). 3. Sitting in the pod with a para. If your child is outside the gen ed room all day and only “listening” instead of receiving the instruction and supports written in the IEP, that’s a problem. IDEA guarantees the student has the right to be educated in the least restrictive environment (LRE) to the maximum extent appropriate (34 C.F.R. § 300.114). Less than 10 minutes a day in gen ed is clearly not access to LRE unless the IEP team specifically agreed on it. 4. Prior Written Notice (PWN). Any time the district proposes or refuses to change placement or services, they must give PWN (34 C.F.R. § 300.503). If you’re being told “no PWN is required” while your child is being regularly removed or placed elsewhere, that’s not consistent with IDEA. What to do next: Put your concerns in writing. Request PWN for each removal and for the use of the alternate room/pod instead of gen ed. Document how often this is happening. A log of days/hours removed is powerful evidence. Ask the IEP team to reconvene (beyond the BIP review) to talk about whether the current placement is truly meeting FAPE and LRE requirements. If they continue to refuse PWN or deny there’s been a placement change, you can file a state complaint with the Ohio Department of Education, citing the regulations above. You’re not overreacting, IDEA is clear that placement and access to services can’t just be adjusted on the fly without the IEP team and proper notice.

You’re asking really good questions, and it sounds like you’re already doing a lot right by calling the IEP team together early. At four years old, biting/hitting/scratching often comes from frustration with communication or being asked to do something that feels too hard, too noisy, or too long. The fact that the behaviors happen both at school and home shows it’s not “just the classroom”—it’s his way of expressing overwhelm. A few things to know: PWN (Prior Written Notice): Yes, even in preschool, the school should provide Prior Written Notice any time they propose or refuse a change in identification, evaluation, placement, or services. Since they’re proposing an FBA (Functional Behavior Assessment), you should receive something in writing about that decision. FBA is the right next step. An FBA helps the team figure out why the behaviors are happening (communication needs, sensory overload, task avoidance, etc.) and then design a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) that teaches new skills instead of just managing the behavior. Sitting for non-preferred work: It’s reasonable to want him to build stamina for non-preferred tasks, but forcing a preschooler to sit until a task is done usually backfires, especially if communication and sensory challenges are in play. It may be more effective to use shorter tasks, visuals, choices, or sensory breaks to build up his tolerance gradually. Noise sensitivity: If he’s sensitive to sound, that’s an accommodation issue. Things like headphones, a quieter space for certain tasks, or letting him rejoin the group after a short break are all common strategies. It’s not about shielding him forever, it’s about helping him participate successfully now, while he develops coping tools. The good news is that your team seems open and willing to meet, which is a huge plus. Keep documenting what you see at home, bring those notes to the FBA, and don’t be afraid to ask for supports to be written into the IEP. You’re right at the beginning of this journey, and advocating now is going to set him up for much better experiences in kindergarten and beyond.

Thank you! That's what I thought the timeline was but wanted to be sure it wasn't just me being impatient. I was told when I asked why I could just get the report and was told it’s “just protocol…a lot of politics involved.”

I have a four year old level two autistic grandson and he is attending public preschool in a class blended with special needs and typical children. The class has eight children, one special education teacher and three aides. He is having behavioral issues, such as biting, hitting, and scratching his teachers and students. He does this at home as well. He does talk some, but can’t communicate very well. His teacher has tried to pinpoint what the cause of the behavior is but it’s pretty random. She says that he does not like to sit and do his work and has trouble with non preferred activities, which cause the behaviors most of the time. I’m on the fence about her forcing him to sit at the table until his work is completed. I can see that he needs to get use to attending non preferred activities, but he is definitely having a hard time adjusting. We called an IEP meeting yesterday to discuss the behavioral issues and they did propose we do a FBA and meet again in December, which we agreed to. They are being very helpful and offered to meet anytime we feel necessary. Being new to all this, I wasn’t sure if they would provide a PWN or if it was needed since he’s only in preschool. We live in Alabama if that’s helpful. I kinda think his behavior is due to his teacher being ridged in the way she runs her classroom and he is sensitive to noise, and she agrees, but says he needs to get use to that in order to be more successful in Kindergarten next year. Any insight would be appreciated, as I’m brand new to dealing with the school system. I do feel like they are trying to help him by offering the FBA as a start.

So first of all, as you're learning, you have to pick your battles. Seeing as Sept 26 is tomorrow....not sure this is one I'd choose to fight right now. However, there are some red flags. Yes, summers are exempt, the exact wording from the code is: In addition to the requirements incorporated by reference in 34 CFR 300.301 (relating to initial evaluations), the initial evaluation shall be completed and a copy of the evaluation report presented to the parents no later than 60-calendar days after the agency receives written parental consent for evaluation, except that the calendar days from the day after the last day of the spring school term up to and including the day before the first day of the subsequent fall school term will not be counted. A couple of clarifications that may help in practice: This applies to initial evaluations. Reevaluations have a different timeline (within 60 calendar days of receiving parental consent, but no later than every 3 years, 2 years for students with intellectual disabilities). The pause only applies if the 60-day window runs into summer. If you gave consent back in, say, February, the school can’t use summer to stretch their deadline, the report should have been finished before the end of the school year. The IEP meeting timeline is separate. Once the report is issued, the team still has 30 calendar days to meet and develop the IEP, regardless of summer break. If the psychologist has already reviewed the results with you, there’s really no reason you can’t have a copy of the written report now. You’re entitled to it—period. Delaying until late September doesn’t line up with the law. (but again, if they said you're getting it tomorrow....I'd just keep that documentation in case I need it later) What I’d suggest: Put your request in writing. Email the school and say you are formally requesting a copy of the evaluation report that was completed July 3rd. Reference the law. You can mention that under IDEA and PA Chapter 14, the district has 60 calendar days to complete the evaluation after consent and must provide parents with the report. Request an IEP meeting date. Ask them to schedule it within 30 days of when you receive the report. You’re not being unreasonable, this is about your child’s right to timely services which is why timelines were put in place. I"d also read up on IEEs, because it sounds like that might be the path you're headed down next. https://adayinourshoes.com/iee-independent-education-evaluation/

We switched to a Pennsylvania Public Cyber school the following school year after covid and they got the ball rolling asap with the eval. Our local school district dropped the ball big time and after paying several hundred dollars to get my daughter evaluated at Sylvan Learning Center and found out she was more than two years behind academically. Fast forward to May of 2024 and I had some concerns again. The eval seemed rushed (according to the evaluators) to be completed. I just spoke with the school psychologist today after several attempts to find out the results. I have never had this much trouble with the school over getting answers. The eval was completed July 3rd. I'm being told the school is allowed to freeze the iep process over the summer because school is not in session. I'm just wondering if we are still in compliance with the timeline. The school psychologist did go over all the results with me but said it can't be sent home until September 26th. Although I'm grateful for the results but seems crazy I can't have the actual report yet or even have a date for the IEP meeting yet. When trying to find the answer on the PA Dept. Of Ed website, I got conflicting timelines. Any help is appreciated!

Should accommodations be listed under the SDI/program modifications section in an IEP in the state of Pennsylvania. The IEP lists VI.Special Education/Related Services/Supplementary Aids and Services/Program Modifications. Then section A. says Program Modifications/Specially Designed Instruction. Does Pennsylvania lump accommodations, modifications, and specially designed instruction together? I’ve seen IEPS that say “preferential seating”, “explicit instruction in phonics instruction”, and “up to 50% reduced workload on assignments based on student need from data collection” all in this same section. What am I missing?

we are in Coatesville school district (PA) for reference. We have been trying for years to get a relationship with our son and his guidance counselor in each of the schools he’s been in. It’s been an SDI that he can go see the guidance counselor when he wants, we’ve introduced them, etc., etc. But what we can’t get is for the guidance counselor to bring him in or to speak with him. One of the goals on his IEP is to learn to self advocate, which is proving troublesome too because collecting data is difficult for that. But he is not going to request to go talk to somebody, someone’s going to have to pull him in and talk to him The big issue we have is that he’s been bullied in almost every school he has been in. His emotional age is younger than his physical age and now in eighth grade he’s still playing with action figures and getting comments from the kids. Our son will not tell us if he’s being bullied, the only time we know about it is his friend’s parents will let us know if they overhear something. He doesn’t tell teachers, and the teachers don’t report anything (at all!!) to us.We requested a meeting every other week with the guidance counselor. This was the response I got the other day: “I also spoke to the guidance counselor. Unfortunately, they are told not to put specific meeting times in IEPs due to the number of students they serve. But he is on her radar and will schedule an informal recurring 1:1 with N. If we feel something needs to be placed in the IEP, we will have to look towards social work services. Did N ever work with a mental health therapist IN school? We can consider adding a social work screener to determine whether he would qualify for in-school sessions. However, I can see him acing the screener because he is so good at masking his emotions. Let me know your thoughts.” I don’t know much about social work screeners or working with mental health within the schools because it’s never been an option provided to us. They really just don’t have anyone. Also, he does perform when he knows he’s being screened so having a relationship is the most important thing. I am very aware that I need to request a NOREP about the guidance counselor. But what should I do next?

I'm surprised they have 3 teachers in one classroom for 7 students. Around here, they have one teacher (there's a teacher shortage) and any other adults in the classroom tend to be instructional assistants, paraprofessionals, aides, personal care assistants... It would show up as a 1:2:7 ratio in an IEP. I would want the 3:7 ratio your grandchild has & is successful with noted in her IEP so you can show the school this when she goes to kindergarten and they want to put her into a classroom that's 1:24. It sounds like they will need at least one other adult in the room given she will need to be escorted to the nurse for diaper changes because letting her walk there alone provides an opportunity for elopement. Again, make sure the elopement tendencies and need for diaper changes are noted in the IEP. This is data that one teacher cannot meet her needs and still be teaching her classmates. My personal style is to ask questions: How will my child get to the nurse for diaper changes without attempting to elope from the school? She needs a lot of redirection because she has a hard time sitting still. Will the teacher be able to do this and still be able to provide the class with the academic instruction they need? Given her unwillingness to draw or write, has apraxia been evaluated by the school? Speech, & writing are both fine motor skills. She might need special instruction to be able to write and draw like her classmates - or it could be a skill that's out of reach due to her disability. (Behavior is communication. This might be what the refusal is trying to say.)

Several years ago, the Pupil Services Director did a presentation comparing the number of due process cases in WCASD & other districts. WCASD had more per pupil than all of the other districts in the county. I'm not sure this has changed in recent years. The amount they budget for due process does keep increasing. They had twice the number as DASD (if I remember correctly) which is close in size.

Ok, when I saw how long this was, I had to return to it when I had time which unfortunately was not until today. Most of what I'm going to say piggybacks on what others have said. You’ve been through so much, and honestly, the fact that you’ve documented everything this carefully shows just how committed you are to your daughter. It shouldn’t have been this hard, but your record-keeping is going to help you now. To your main question: No, your daughter does not have to switch classes in order to be evaluated for an IEP. Under IDEA (the federal law that governs IEPs), you can make a written request for a special education evaluation. Once the school receives your written request, they’re required to respond, usually by either getting your consent for evaluations or giving you written notice of why they’re refusing. They cannot require her to “try” interventions or switch classes first if you are requesting a full evaluation. Here are some concrete next steps: Put your request in writing. Say clearly: “I am formally requesting a special education evaluation for my daughter to determine if she qualifies for an IEP.” List the areas of suspected disability (anxiety, ADHD, possible learning disability in reading/writing/math if you suspect it). You don’t have to know the exact tests,but it’s powerful and necessary to identify the concerns. Keep it broad. Instead of asking for one kind of test, you can request evaluations in all areas related to her suspected disability. That way the school has to look at academics, functional skills, and social/emotional needs. Timeline awareness. Once you give written consent, the school has a set timeline (which varies a bit by state, but usually around 60 days) to complete the evaluations and hold a meeting. Stay organized. You’ve already shown you’re excellent at this. Keep copies of every email, meeting notice, and plan. If they lose things again, you’ll be the one with the paper trail. Consider outside input. If you can, having her counselor or another professional provide a written statement about her struggles and why testing is important can strengthen your case. Moving forward, you don’t have to solve everything at once. Focus on getting the evaluation process started, that’s the doorway to services and accommodations that actually match her needs. You’ve already stepped up and become her advocate, and now you’re taking the right steps to finally get the right supports in place.

I don't know if WC is a magnet for issues, I think a lot of it is size bias-- WC and Downingtown both have 10-12000 students, so it feels more frequent. Anyway, I need to come up with a list for parents to use to ask questions when hiring an advocate. There are a few on that list who I would not recommend.... and in fact I would recommend not reaching out to them. but in this litigious society, I'm certainly not going to say who or why.

It sounds like you’re juggling a lot right now, and I can hear how frustrating this situation must feel. You’re right to notice that some of the “behaviors” they’re reporting aren’t random, they’re connected to work that isn’t appropriate for him developmentally or skill-wise. If the OT already observed that he doesn’t have the grasp or tracking to complete those worksheets, then repeating the same task is just setting him up for frustration. A couple of steps you can take: Document everything (which you’re already doing). Keep notes on the behaviors, the communication you’re getting from school, and any mismatched work examples. Call an IEP meeting sooner rather than later. Bring up the mismatch between his needs (as observed by OT) and the tasks he’s being asked to do. Ask what supports or alternate materials can be used so he can engage successfully. Address staffing concerns in terms of access and safety. Instead of only saying “he needs a 1:1 aide,” focus on the why: toileting, medical management, and meaningful access to instruction. You can also ask what the plan is when the aide leaves the room with him, because right now, that leaves the other students without adequate support. Reframe behaviors as communication. You’ve already identified this, refusal, cursing, boundary issues are his way of showing the environment isn’t working for him. That language can help shift the team’s mindset away from “acting out” and toward “what does he need?” It’s still early in the school year, which makes this a good time to ask for adjustments. You’re not asking for anything unreasonable, you’re asking for your child to have appropriate work, adequate support, and a safe environment for everyone in the classroom. And I have more on 1:1s here: https://adayinourshoes.com/one-on-one-aide-paraprofessional-iep-special-education/

Ha ha Carolyn... "Not my problem to solve." And it's not. I'm not unsympathetic to the large issues, but I spend a significant amount of time lobbying for that.....anyway...... Right now the ratio sounds manageable, but you’re right kindergarten will likely look very different with a larger class and less adult support per child. Since you’ve already asked about an aide and felt brushed off, this is a good time to put your concerns in writing. When you ask in an email or at an IEP meeting, you can focus on why she needs the support, not just that you want it. For example: Safety (because of elopement and toileting needs) Access (she can’t fully participate without support for communication and staying engaged) Independence (the aide can prompt, fade support, and help her access academics on her level) You don’t necessarily have to use the word “aide” either....you can describe the support she needs and let the team decide how that’s written into the IEP. Sometimes it shows up as “1:1 adult support,” “parprofessional assistance,” or as specific services tied to toileting, communication, and safety. Also, make sure her IEP reflects her strengths (advanced academics) while addressing the areas that impact her learning (toileting, sitting, writing/drawing, communication). If those needs are clearly documented, the school has to show how they’ll provide the support whether that’s an aide, assistive tech, or other services. It’s great that you’re noticing what works now and planning for what’s next. Getting it into the IEP before kindergarten will give you a much stronger footing than waiting until problems start. Also, read this... https://adayinourshoes.com/iep-kindergarten-transition/

First, always keep in mind that budget cuts, financial constraints, etc., should never be a factor in deciding whether or not a child needs specific services. The team determines needs based on data and then figures out how to meet those needs (sometimes has to think outside the box). From a practical standpoint, yes, you may need to give the school district some grace in figuring out how to provide services if finances are an issue. But bottom line, as Lisa would say, "That's not your problem." Does she have an IEP? If not, that's your first step. I would suggest that before this school year ends you reach out to the kindergarten principal and request a special education evaluation. This will be conducted at the beginning of the next school year. If she does have an IEP, request a transition meeting with the pre-school and new grade school teams towards the end of this school year to talk about her transitioning to a new school - specifically going from a 7:3 ration to 20 (or more):1 and what her needs will be. Also ask about the expectations of Kindergarten. If there are some she cannot meet, discuss what services need to be in place for her to access FAPE. If it will have been a year since her last evaluation, I would also request a re-evaluation once school starts next fall. You might also request a Functional Behavior Analysis (FBA) to determine the why's and when's to her elopement so that can be addressed in a Behavioral Intervention Plan (BIP).

She doesn't have an aide this year. It's 7 kids and 3 teachers which works great right now. I asked several times about an aide and it was brushed off. Her kindergarten class will be way bigger and I need her to have an aide. She elopes, is not potty trained and has a hard time sitting still. Academically she is very advanced, but doesn't want to draw or write. She uses her iPad to communicate.

If he has issues with visual tracking, did the school evaluate that? If an area hasn't been evaluated, the assumption is the student's abilities are the same as a typical student. It sounds like the OT might need to help your child or train the para on what to do. Does he get OT via his IEP? If he needs a 1:1 aide, you need to have the school gather data and show this is what he needs. It sounds like you might need to look at what's in the eval they did to see if 'all areas of suspected disability' were evaluated (if the tracking/tracing issues were shared verbally, the para & teacher aren't going to provide extra help - they will follow what's in the IEP). State requirements are a minimum requirement. Given your child's needs, they might need a 2nd aide since your child is being removed from the classroom so often. You might want to ask for an IEP meeting so you can tweak his IEP.

There are lots of good advocates working in West Chester since WCASD seems to be a magnet for IEP issues. Let me come up with a list. (Definitely random order.) The REACH Group Educational Consultants, LLC Arc of Chester County Melissa Yelito at MY Advocacy LLC Former WCASD Pupil Services Director, Leigh Ann Ranieri now does advocacy: https://ranierieducationconsultant.com/ Marie Lewis Cris Fick Thrive Advocacy Group Who is the right advocate for you will depend on what the issue is. Advocates do tend to specialize to a degree.

Wanted to reiterate: If it's not in writing, it didn't happen. This can be looked at as a negative by the school but the Office of Civil Rights oversees 504 plans - might be under a different office with changes made since our president took office since lots of things have changed. Given the school seems to have a very, very, extremely poorly managed 504 plan office, it might be worth filing a complaint. A 504 provides accommodations like extra time or a 2nd set of books for home or breaks when a student feel overwhelmed. An IEP provides special instruction to a student to help them reach IEP goals which should align with catching up to where classmates are. I like to get paperwork and forward a copy to the school - just in case the school loses the paperwork. I also want a copy 'for my records'. Every teacher should be implementing 504s. You don't want all 504 students in the same classroom - this isn't best practice. Students shouldn't be placed into a different class to get an IEP evaluation. (After an eval, it might make sense to change classrooms so a student can get the special instruction in the IEP - like the special ed teacher is only there in the morning so they need to move core classes to the afternoon.) Feel free to post again if you have any other questions.

I would first reach out to the West Virginia Department of Education and ask what the requirements are in this situation in terms of certification and student/teacher ratio. I would also request an IEP meeting to discuss what is occurring and things that might need to be tweaked in the IEP document. You could request an FBA to pinpoint what the school is doing or not doing to trigger the behavior. Of course, the school FBA probably won't find anything wrong with what the school is doing, so then you can request an IEE. An independent evaluator could suggest things the school should be doing (or not doing). Finally, you might want to loop in the director of special education so that he/she knows what's happening.

Good morning, I am looking for a collaborative and thorough IEP Advocate in West Chester PA. We need clarity, a strong collaborative advocate at this critical academic juncture. Please advise with any contacts. thank you.

Good morning, My son is 6 years old and just started Kindergarten in August. He was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 2 years old and with Autism/ADD within the past 2 years. He is listed as Level 2. He is verbal but is a gestalt language learner. He has been in private OT and Speech for years now. He just started Kindergarten at a public school in West Virginia. We have an IEP in place and he was put into a self-contained Level 2 Autism Classroom. The class has 8 total students. 1 teacher (who is not certified) and 1 aide. The aide is out of the classroom with my son to the nurse's office and to toilet him. That means 7 Level 2 students with only the teacher. The aide is already showing signs of stress and we are getting negative notes every day. She practically yelled at my husband at pick up that our son has "been acting like this all day long!!" I mean, he is a Level 2 Autistic kid. Honestly, his behaviors are fairly benign. Some curses, some refusal to do work (work that is inappropriate and that he literally cannot do), some issues with personal boundaries. All things pretty typical I would think. Part of the issue is that we have been in school for not even a month and he has been given the same A-Z tracing papers 20 times. He was literally observed by the OT who said he doesn't have the grasp or visual tracking to do this work. No wonder he is acting out. Either he needs a one to one Aide or his classroom needs more help in general. Im keeping track of everything. What do I do from here? Please help! Thanks so much.