When Your Child Masks ant School and Self Advocacy Goal?

[Stephanie Gauthier]

My 8.5 year old son is very proficient at masking at school. He is a hard worker with a great attitude and no behavior issues. Because of this, I’m constantly told that he’s doing fine but because I’m his safe person, he shares things with me or melts down as soon as he is home. He is now realizing that he works really hard and tries his best but that school work is very hard for him and get gets a lot of answers wrong which rightfully, upsets him very much. We put no emphasis on grades at home and tell him that as long as he works hard and tries his best, that’s what’s important and what his dad and I care about. He is also struggling socially and with self advocacy but because these things aren’t tied into unwanted behaviors at school, they are being ignored completely. When I shared these concerns with the school counselor and told her how he had a meltdown at home about kids being unkind to him, she suggested private counseling. 
 

We have a 3 year re-eval meeting coming up in a few weeks and I would love some advice on how to get the school to acknowledge that just because he doesn’t express these feelings to them at school, it doesn’t mean that he’s not experiencing them. I also feel that he needs a concrete self-advocacy goal because he will never ask for a break, or tell a teacher if something has happened, or speak up if he doesn’t understand something. 

[Carolyn Rowlett]

What are his categories of eligibility?  For what areas are there goals?  Has a re-evaluation been done for the three year re-evaluation meeting, or is this just for a review of existing data?  This will help us better formulate a response to your question.  But for now, I would offer the following suggestions:

1. If he has an accommodation for a break, make sure it doesn't read or can be interpreted that the student has to ask for the break.  Most 8-year-olds don't have this self-advocacy skill and especially depending on what the disability is, shouldn't be expected to have this skill yet.  So make sure the "break" accommodation is either scheduled breaks that the teacher has to abide by or that the teacher must prompt the break if s/he sees dysregulation (but this may not work if your son doesn't show signs of dysregulation at school).

2.  In the meantime until he has the skill, self-advocacy should be a goal he is working towards (again, this could be dependent on the disability).

2.  Unless already done, request a re-evaluation in the area of social/emotional.  These usually have questionnaires that parents complete (and sometimes even students - not sure of the age for these).  That way you can get "into the record" your concerns and his. 

3. If the re-evaluation doesn't  move the school toward additional goals and accommodations, ask for an Independent Educational Evaluation.

4.  Depending on the severity of the "unkindness" toward your son, you should probably report these incidents to the principal.

5. If he's getting "a lot of answers wrong," this is something to point to show that there are issues at school even if he's not acting out.

 

[Stephanie Gauthier]

2 hours ago, Carolyn Rowlett said:

What are his categories of eligibility?  For what areas are there goals?  Has a re-evaluation been done for the three year re-evaluation meeting, or is this just for a review of existing data?  This will help us better formulate a response to your question.  But for now, I would offer the following suggestions:

1. If he has an accommodation for a break, make sure it doesn't read or can be interpreted that the student has to ask for the break.  Most 8-year-olds don't have this self-advocacy skill and especially depending on what the disability is, shouldn't be expected to have this skill yet.  So make sure the "break" accommodation is either scheduled breaks that the teacher has to abide by or that the teacher must prompt the break if s/he sees dysregulation (but this may not work if your son doesn't show signs of dysregulation at school).

2.  In the meantime until he has the skill, self-advocacy should be a goal he is working towards (again, this could be dependent on the disability).

2.  Unless already done, request a re-evaluation in the area of social/emotional.  These usually have questionnaires that parents complete (and sometimes even students - not sure of the age for these).  That way you can get "into the record" your concerns and his. 

3. If the re-evaluation doesn't  move the school toward additional goals and accommodations, ask for an Independent Educational Evaluation.

4.  Depending on the severity of the "unkindness" toward your son, you should probably report these incidents to the principal.

5. If he's getting "a lot of answers wrong," this is something to point to show that there are issues at school even if he's not acting out.

 

He is currently getting reading and writing supports under “Developmental Delay” and is on stay put for OT. It’s actually only been just under 2 years since his last round of testing but since he can only have “Developmental Delay” until age 9, they are retesting, and we also requested an evaluation in the area of math and I am pretty confident that he’ll qualify. They are currently doing all the testing and the meeting is scheduled at the end of November. I am mentally preparing myself for him to qualify under “Intellectual Disability” as he scored only one point above very low on his last round of IQ testing and was recently diagnosed with a genetic condition that causes ID.
 

1. I did already have them change to wording from “can take a break as needed” to “conduct regular teacher check ins to see if (student) needs a break (swapping to an alternative task)if fatigued. I’m not fully confident that this is happening however. While he doesn’t show signs of dysregulation at school, it’s pretty obvious to anyone paying attention when he is getting fatigued and needs a break but again, I’m not confident that this is happening in the classroom setting. 
 

2. What would a self advocacy goal look like? I plan to put emphasis on this in our parent concern statement. I did have to fill out a few questionnaires from the School Psychologist. 
 

3. I know he will still be getting academic services, I just feel like that’s the only thing the school will give him though, and academics aren’t the full picture. 
 

4. We’re not at that level yet but I’ll definitely do this if needed. 
 

5. I agree. They have to understand that working really hard and still not understanding and getting many questions wrong will eventually impact mental health! He has always loved school and I’m so nervous that that is going to end soon if everything keeps being so hard for him. 
 

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions, I really appreciate it. 

[Carolyn Rowlett]

1.  If you don't think check-in's for breaks are occurring, I would suggest having them scheduled (every one or two hours, whatever you think is best).  A teacher with 25 kids actually may not see his fatigue (I'm not excusing this; just looking at it from a practical standpoint.)  I would say ask the teacher during the meeting, but my guess is you will not get an accurate response.

2.  A self-advocacy goal would look something like "student will recognize when he is fatigued and request a break 3 out of 4 times..."  One could also be written for asking for help, etc.

3.  You may need to request an IEE in order to get services other than academic.  Make sure that the school re-evaluation is covering social/emotional.  If they refuse, you can still request an IEE based on the fact that the school had the opportunity but did not test in all areas of concern.