Homeschooling and School Refusal

[Lisa Lightner]

A reader emailed me:

My grandson was home schooled Part of last year and part of this year and started back to home school in January and doesn’t want to go back, his anxiety is high and emotions are all over. I feel it I because the program we used didn’t follow the school and he is feeling overwhelmed and lost. I plan on home schooling again. Should I go back to the easier basics so he is more comfortable but am worried he will not keep advancing if he doesn’t put his all in to it. Thoughts? 

 

[Lisa Lightner]

When a child’s anxiety is high and their emotions are all over the place, that’s usually a nervous system issue first and an academic issue second. If he’s feeling overwhelmed and lost, pushing forward academically often backfires. It can reinforce the “I can’t do this” feeling rather than build skills.

Going back to easier basics is not the same as “holding him back.” It can be strategic. If he’s missing foundational pieces, filling those gaps can actually accelerate progress later. Confidence and competence build on each other.

The bigger question isn’t whether he’s putting his “all” into it. It’s whether the work is at the right instructional level and whether he feels safe and capable while doing it. A regulated child can learn. A dysregulated child usually can’t access what they know.

You might consider:
– Identifying exactly where the breakdown happened (specific skills, not just grade level)
– Temporarily reducing volume while increasing success
– Adding predictable structure so he knows what to expect each day
– Separating “he won’t try” from “this feels too hard”

Advancement doesn’t always look like moving ahead in the curriculum. Sometimes it looks like rebuilding stamina, confidence, and skill depth.