Homeschooling and School Refusal

[Lisa Lightner]

A reader emailed me:

My grandson was home schooled Part of last year and part of this year and started back to home school in January and doesn’t want to go back, his anxiety is high and emotions are all over. I feel it I because the program we used didn’t follow the school and he is feeling overwhelmed and lost. I plan on home schooling again. Should I go back to the easier basics so he is more comfortable but am worried he will not keep advancing if he doesn’t put his all in to it. Thoughts? 

 

[Lisa Lightner]

When a child’s anxiety is high and their emotions are all over the place, that’s usually a nervous system issue first and an academic issue second. If he’s feeling overwhelmed and lost, pushing forward academically often backfires. It can reinforce the “I can’t do this” feeling rather than build skills.

Going back to easier basics is not the same as “holding him back.” It can be strategic. If he’s missing foundational pieces, filling those gaps can actually accelerate progress later. Confidence and competence build on each other.

The bigger question isn’t whether he’s putting his “all” into it. It’s whether the work is at the right instructional level and whether he feels safe and capable while doing it. A regulated child can learn. A dysregulated child usually can’t access what they know.

You might consider:
– Identifying exactly where the breakdown happened (specific skills, not just grade level)
– Temporarily reducing volume while increasing success
– Adding predictable structure so he knows what to expect each day
– Separating “he won’t try” from “this feels too hard”

Advancement doesn’t always look like moving ahead in the curriculum. Sometimes it looks like rebuilding stamina, confidence, and skill depth.

[JSD24]

If school anxiety was the issue, homeschooling sounds like the solution.  With every school year, students who are accessing their education should advance by one year academically.  Given that it seems he didn't advance, the question is: why?

These are some issues & solutions:

(1) There was general anxiety and it wasn't treated so he didn't have full access to his homeschool education because the anxiety got in the way.

(2) The real reason for school refusal was anxiety because the subject matter was too hard to access due to a disability.  In most states, the public school will evaluate homeschool students for learning as well as other disabilities.

(3) Not sure what homeschool curriculum was used.  Homeschools should be covering the same state standards that public school cover especially if you are looking to bring the student back into public school.  (My school district allows parents to borrow textbooks from the school so they can cover the same things in a homeschool situation.)

(4) The student feels they can't learn so they aren't trying to learn.  If a student doesn't have a growth mindset, they will not put in the work to make the progress they should be making.

It's hard to say what the solution is without knowing the root cause of the issue.  You need to meet your child where they are but if they aren't progressing at the same rate as other kids, you need to figure out why so whatever is going on can be addressed.  Most homeschools can cover the same material as a public school does in less than the 6.5 hours that is a typical public school day.  This allows time to bring their child up to where their classmates are if they're behind.  Temple Grandin describes this as putting things just out of reach of a child where they do need to struggle a little but growth is attainable.