Lisa Lightner

You’re asking really good questions, and it sounds like you’re already doing a lot right by calling the IEP team together early. At four years old, biting/hitting/scratching often comes from frustration with communication or being asked to do something that feels too hard, too noisy, or too long. The fact that the behaviors happen both at school and home shows it’s not “just the classroom”—it’s his way of expressing overwhelm.

A few things to know:

• PWN (Prior Written Notice): Yes, even in preschool, the school should provide Prior Written Notice any time they propose or refuse a change in identification, evaluation, placement, or services. Since they’re proposing an FBA (Functional Behavior Assessment), you should receive something in writing about that decision.

• FBA is the right next step. An FBA helps the team figure out why the behaviors are happening (communication needs, sensory overload, task avoidance, etc.) and then design a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) that teaches new skills instead of just managing the behavior.

• Sitting for non-preferred work: It’s reasonable to want him to build stamina for non-preferred tasks, but forcing a preschooler to sit until a task is done usually backfires, especially if communication and sensory challenges are in play. It may be more effective to use shorter tasks, visuals, choices, or sensory breaks to build up his tolerance gradually.

• Noise sensitivity: If he’s sensitive to sound, that’s an accommodation issue. Things like headphones, a quieter space for certain tasks, or letting him rejoin the group after a short break are all common strategies. It’s not about shielding him forever, it’s about helping him participate successfully now, while he develops coping tools.

The good news is that your team seems open and willing to meet, which is a huge plus. Keep documenting what you see at home, bring those notes to the FBA, and don’t be afraid to ask for supports to be written into the IEP. You’re right at the beginning of this journey, and advocating now is going to set him up for much better experiences in kindergarten and beyond.

So first of all, as you're learning, you have to pick your battles. Seeing as Sept 26 is tomorrow....not sure this is one I'd choose to fight right now. However, there are some red flags.

Yes, summers are exempt, the exact wording from the code is: In addition to the requirements incorporated by reference in 34 CFR 300.301 (relating to initial evaluations), the initial evaluation shall be completed and a copy of the evaluation report presented to the parents no later than 60-calendar days after the agency receives written parental consent for evaluation, except that the calendar days from the day after the last day of the spring school term up to and including the day before the first day of the subsequent fall school term will not be counted.

A couple of clarifications that may help in practice:

• This applies to initial evaluations. Reevaluations have a different timeline (within 60 calendar days of receiving parental consent, but no later than every 3 years, 2 years for students with intellectual disabilities).

• The pause only applies if the 60-day window runs into summer. If you gave consent back in, say, February, the school can’t use summer to stretch their deadline, the report should have been finished before the end of the school year.

• The IEP meeting timeline is separate. Once the report is issued, the team still has 30 calendar days to meet and develop the IEP, regardless of summer break.

If the psychologist has already reviewed the results with you, there’s really no reason you can’t have a copy of the written report now. You’re entitled to it—period. Delaying until late September doesn’t line up with the law. (but again, if they said you're getting it tomorrow....I'd just keep that documentation in case I need it later)

What I’d suggest:

1. Put your request in writing. Email the school and say you are formally requesting a copy of the evaluation report that was completed July 3rd.

2. Reference the law. You can mention that under IDEA and PA Chapter 14, the district has 60 calendar days to complete the evaluation after consent and must provide parents with the report.

3. Request an IEP meeting date. Ask them to schedule it within 30 days of when you receive the report.

You’re not being unreasonable, this is about your child’s right to timely services which is why timelines were put in place.

I"d also read up on IEEs, because it sounds like that might be the path you're headed down next.

https://adayinourshoes.com/iee-independent-education-evaluation/

Ok, when I saw how long this was, I had to return to it when I had time which unfortunately was not until today. Most of what I'm going to say piggybacks on what others have said. 

You’ve been through so much, and honestly, the fact that you’ve documented everything this carefully shows just how committed you are to your daughter. It shouldn’t have been this hard, but your record-keeping is going to help you now.

To your main question: No, your daughter does not have to switch classes in order to be evaluated for an IEP. Under IDEA (the federal law that governs IEPs), you can make a written request for a special education evaluation. Once the school receives your written request, they’re required to respond, usually by either getting your consent for evaluations or giving you written notice of why they’re refusing. They cannot require her to “try” interventions or switch classes first if you are requesting a full evaluation.

Here are some concrete next steps:

• Put your request in writing. Say clearly: “I am formally requesting a special education evaluation for my daughter to determine if she qualifies for an IEP.” List the areas of suspected disability (anxiety, ADHD, possible learning disability in reading/writing/math if you suspect it). You don’t have to know the exact tests,but it’s powerful and necessary to identify the concerns.

• Keep it broad. Instead of asking for one kind of test, you can request evaluations in all areas related to her suspected disability. That way the school has to look at academics, functional skills, and social/emotional needs.

• Timeline awareness. Once you give written consent, the school has a set timeline (which varies a bit by state, but usually around 60 days) to complete the evaluations and hold a meeting.

• Stay organized. You’ve already shown you’re excellent at this. Keep copies of every email, meeting notice, and plan. If they lose things again, you’ll be the one with the paper trail.

• Consider outside input. If you can, having her counselor or another professional provide a written statement about her struggles and why testing is important can strengthen your case.

Moving forward, you don’t have to solve everything at once. Focus on getting the evaluation process started, that’s the doorway to services and accommodations that actually match her needs. You’ve already stepped up and become her advocate, and now you’re taking the right steps to finally get the right supports in place.

I don't know if WC is a magnet for issues, I think a lot of it is size bias-- WC and Downingtown both have 10-12000 students, so it feels more frequent.

Anyway, I need to come up with a list for parents to use to ask questions when hiring an advocate. There are a few on that list who I would not recommend.... and in fact I would recommend not reaching out to them.

but in this litigious society, I'm certainly not going to say who or why.

It sounds like you’re juggling a lot right now, and I can hear how frustrating this situation must feel. You’re right to notice that some of the “behaviors” they’re reporting aren’t random, they’re connected to work that isn’t appropriate for him developmentally or skill-wise. If the OT already observed that he doesn’t have the grasp or tracking to complete those worksheets, then repeating the same task is just setting him up for frustration. 

A couple of steps you can take:

• Document everything (which you’re already doing). Keep notes on the behaviors, the communication you’re getting from school, and any mismatched work examples.

• Call an IEP meeting sooner rather than later. Bring up the mismatch between his needs (as observed by OT) and the tasks he’s being asked to do. Ask what supports or alternate materials can be used so he can engage successfully.

• Address staffing concerns in terms of access and safety. Instead of only saying “he needs a 1:1 aide,” focus on the why: toileting, medical management, and meaningful access to instruction. You can also ask what the plan is when the aide leaves the room with him, because right now, that leaves the other students without adequate support.

• Reframe behaviors as communication. You’ve already identified this, refusal, cursing, boundary issues are his way of showing the environment isn’t working for him. That language can help shift the team’s mindset away from “acting out” and toward “what does he need?”

It’s still early in the school year, which makes this a good time to ask for adjustments. You’re not asking for anything unreasonable, you’re asking for your child to have appropriate work, adequate support, and a safe environment for everyone in the classroom.

And I have more on 1:1s here: https://adayinourshoes.com/one-on-one-aide-paraprofessional-iep-special-education/

Ha ha Carolyn... "Not my problem to solve." And it's not. I'm not unsympathetic to the large issues, but I spend a significant amount of time lobbying for that.....anyway......

Right now the ratio sounds manageable, but you’re right kindergarten will likely look very different with a larger class and less adult support per child.

Since you’ve already asked about an aide and felt brushed off, this is a good time to put your concerns in writing. When you ask in an email or at an IEP meeting, you can focus on why she needs the support, not just that you want it. For example:

• Safety (because of elopement and toileting needs)

• Access (she can’t fully participate without support for communication and staying engaged)

• Independence (the aide can prompt, fade support, and help her access academics on her level)

You don’t necessarily have to use the word “aide” either....you can describe the support she needs and let the team decide how that’s written into the IEP. Sometimes it shows up as “1:1 adult support,” “parprofessional assistance,” or as specific services tied to toileting, communication, and safety.

Also, make sure her IEP reflects her strengths (advanced academics) while addressing the areas that impact her learning (toileting, sitting, writing/drawing, communication). If those needs are clearly documented, the school has to show how they’ll provide the support whether that’s an aide, assistive tech, or other services.

It’s great that you’re noticing what works now and planning for what’s next. Getting it into the IEP before kindergarten will give you a much stronger footing than waiting until problems start.

Also, read this... https://adayinourshoes.com/iep-kindergarten-transition/

Short answer is, IDEA is not changing. But I would make my IEP as airtight as I could.

read: https://adayinourshoes.com/how-to-prepare-for-possible-changes-to-idea/

We're working on this massive project of cleaning out our basement--we've been here 25 yrs and good grief, we look like Hoarders.

Anyway, I just found some old IFSP paperwork in a bin with music CDs. It also reminded me that I have not listened to the Dixie Chicks in forever. (now, just The Chicks, I know).

Start a fresh folder or binder this week, even if it’s just a plain one from the dollar store. The sooner you corral the papers, the less overwhelming spring will feel.

It's a new year, so stay on top of it early.

Pro tip: Look at the work assignments you're getting right now, and compare them to May/June, if you still have those kicking around. Great way to look at progress, or lack thereof. And a stronger case for a different ESY next year.

Iowa is a one-party consent state, so you’re legally allowed to record without notifying the team. That said, you’re also right that it's highly recommended to give notice in writing ahead of time. This helps avoid unnecessary tension at the start of the meeting and puts you on solid ground if anything were to come up later. You won't win any popularity contests if you do it secretly. And I know, your goal may not be to win any popularity contests, but I always encourage parents to think about it in reverse: the team thinks they are meeting your child's needs, it is seldom that there are truly malicious IEP team members.So how would you feel if you were doing your best under the circumstances, and you were being secretly recorded?

In terms of experience: most teams act more cautiously when they know a meeting is being recorded. That can be a good thing, it often leads to clearer communication and fewer off-the-cuff comments. But some teams do get visibly uncomfortable or defensive. If that happens, just calmly remind them that it’s legal and that you’re doing it to help you stay focused and review the details later, not to “catch” anyone.

Also, make sure you have your device fully charged and that it records clearly. Some parents even say something like, “Just letting everyone know I’m recording for my own reference” as the meeting starts.

more tips here: https://adayinourshoes.com/record-iep-meeting/

there are definitely a few important things you can and should still do in this situation, especially given what you’ve shared.

1. Put your concern in writing to the principal, too.

Even though the VP and facilitator are looped in, the principal is typically the one with final say over classroom assignments. If you haven’t already sent it directly to her, you should, even if your relationship is strained. Keep the tone factual and focused on your child’s needs (not the past conflict). Frame it as a request for a reconsideration based on emotional, social, and academic benefit. Reference your daughter's documented anxiety and how the peer connection helped her engage, participate, and grow.

2. Request a meeting ASAP.

Instead of waiting for an email response, ask for a quick meeting with whoever is part of the placement decision. It doesn’t need to be an IEP meeting, just a school-level meeting. Face-to-face can be more effective in situations like this, especially if you’re met with silence via email.

3. Reference the RTI and testing concerns.

If the psychologist acknowledged that the testing may not have been accurate due to anxiety, that’s important. You can ask that the team consider reevaluating her once she's acclimated to the school year, or to consider an eligibility determination based on a body of evidence, not just test scores. Also, this may make her eligible for an IEE, so you may want to read up on that.

Also: chronic anxiety can qualify a student under the category of Emotional Disturbance, even if ADHD isn’t formally diagnosed or medicated. If her anxiety is interfering with her ability to access the curriculum (and it sounds like it is), she may still be eligible under IDEA or for a 504 plan. You can ask the team to revisit that.

4. Continue documenting.

Keep track of everything, emails, responses (or lack of them), and any behaviors you notice in your daughter during this transition. If the separation leads to a regression in progress or increased anxiety, document it. That kind of data becomes very important when requesting reconsideration, reevaluation, or formal supports.

5. You’re not overreacting.

Your instincts are right. Positive peer relationships can absolutely serve as a support for children with anxiety and other emotional needs. There’s solid research to back that up, and it’s okay to include that as part of your request.

You're absolutely right to feel frustrated. What that director said is incredibly telling and concerning.

When a director frames the primary needs of an MSD (Moderate to Severe Disabilities) classroom as “showing up and communicating with parents,” it reveals how low their expectations are for both the students and the role of the teacher. Yes, reliability and communication are important; but those should be the minimum expectations for any teacher in any classroom, not the whole job description.

Students in MSD classrooms deserve instruction, support, progress, goals, and dignity. They deserve teachers who believe in their potential and are trained to support them. Reducing the job to just “be there and talk to parents” doesn’t just undersell the position, it underserves the students. And it sends the message that they aren’t worth the time or effort it takes to actually teach them.

It’s a red flag, not just about that director, but possibly about how the whole school or district views their high-needs population. I'd be asking follow-up questions, and if your daughter takes the job, document everything.

those summer program ads are tempting, especially when you feel like your kid has been passed along with no real progress. But here’s the thing: flashy claims like “gain 1 school year in 6 weeks” are usually too good to be true. Some of these programs can help, but many aren’t backed by solid research, and they are expensive. I would look online for reviews, keeping in mind that some places actually pay for reviews. You can also look in the "what works" database, if it's still online. Linda McMahon may have pulled it down, I actually haven't used it myelf in several weeks.

If the school has acknowledged that your child hasn’t made meaningful progress, you can ask for compensatory education services. This is different from summer school. It’s about making up for services or instruction your child should have already received. Bring this up in your CSE meeting. If you have data (or lack thereof), point to it. Ask what evidence-based programs they can offer or fund.

Also, don’t let them skate by with “he can use a calculator” if he still hasn’t been taught the foundational math skills. That’s an accommodation, not instruction.

Yes, you absolutely should have been informed—especially since restraint or a “safety escort” was used and a staff member involved was untrained.

Here is the statute: https://www.pa.gov/agencies/education/resources/policies-acts-and-laws/basic-education-circulars-becs/pa-code/use-of-restraints-for-students-with-disabilities.html

While they may not be legally required to tell you someone was fired (since that’s a personnel matter), the fact that an untrained person participated in a physical restraint or escort should have been disclosed—because that’s not just an HR issue, that’s a violation of procedure and could pose a safety risk to your child.

I'd suggest putting your concerns in writing and asking the school to:

• Clarify who is trained and certified in crisis intervention or restraint protocols;

• Explain how an untrained person was allowed to participate;

• Detail what corrective actions have been taken to prevent this in the future.

You can also file a state complaint with the Pennsylvania Department of Education’s Bureau of Special Education, especially if they failed to follow state guidelines on restraint reporting.

I'm so sorry this happened to your child—what you’ve described is beyond unacceptable, and you're absolutely right to be outraged. In Pennsylvania, schools are mandated reporters, and photographing a child in a state of undress—especially in a bathroom—is potentially a criminal matter, not just a school discipline issue. Failing to report that to ChildLine may be a violation of mandated reporting laws.

Since you've already contacted the PA Department of Education, I’d recommend also filing a formal complaint with the Office for Civil Rights (OCR) at the U.S. Department of Education. The OCR investigates violations related to disability and sex-based harassment under Section 504 and Title IX. What your child experienced could be seen as both.

Additionally, because the school failed to ensure safety and refused a DOE-approved safety plan, I’d also suggest a state complaint under IDEA (if your child has an IEP) or a 504 complaint with the Office for Civil Rights. You may also want to contact your state representative or senator, especially if you’re not getting traction elsewhere. Elected officials sometimes help move the needle when agencies go quiet.

Another idea is giong to the media...but I have lots of ideas about that. It doesn't always go the way we want. 

I'm sorry you're not getting help from people who should be helping, but we can help guide you here. 

Thank you for sharing this—and I can feel how upsetting and unfair this feels, because it is. You’re absolutely right to question it.

Here’s the thing: Students with disabilities are still protected by Section 504 on field trips, just like they are in the classroom. That protection doesn’t stop just because the trip is off school property. Denying access to a trip because of behavior related to his disability could be considered disability discrimination if the behavior was part of his ADHD and the school didn’t consider how to support him before punishing him.

Schools can set behavior expectations, but they are also required to make reasonable accommodations so that students with disabilities have equal access to school activities, including trips. That means looking at whether his behavior was a result of his disability, and whether other supports or interventions could have helped him succeed instead of just excluding him.

You might want to ask the school for a 504 team meeting to review how they’re supporting his behavior before they make exclusion decisions. You can also ask to see their written policy on field trips and discipline, and how they ensure it applies fairly to students with 504 plans.

You’re right to speak up. He deserves support, not set-ups.

You can get a BIP without an FBA, but it's not best practice. More here: https://adayinourshoes.com/behavior-iep-special-education/

And, more here (sorry I'm on my way out the door): https://adayinourshoes.com/one-on-one-aide-paraprofessional-iep-special-education/

I love Tera Sumpter at Seeds of Learning

I agree with Carolyn and Judi on this one. It’s tricky because, legally, parents can’t dictate who the school hires—only that the person is qualified and trained to meet the child’s needs. That’s where you have the strongest footing.

If they name a person as a 1:1 in an IEP, if that person quits tomorrow, they're instantly out of compliance.

So yes, lean hard into specific training requirements in the IEP. Get your doctor or therapist to spell out exactly what skills, experience, or training the 1:1 must have—position it as a service requirement, not a staffing preference.—things like:

• Supporting eye gaze communication systems

• Physical positioning and mobility assistance

• Recognizing signs of medical distress related to his condition

• Supporting non-verbal social interaction

• Managing transitions with low stress and predictability

That shifts the conversation from “we want this person” to “we need someone with these skills.”

I also love the idea of asking for your current attendant to support the transition alongside the school’s staff. Frame it as a transition support, not a permanent placement. You already have medical backing for that, and it helps your child and the school.

As for Medicaid, every state handles that a little differently, but you can absolutely ask the school if they’d allow your current attendant to be on-site, even if you’re the one paying or using Medicaid to do so. Some schools are open to that, others have union or liability barriers—but you won’t know unless you ask.

First—great job pushing to get this clarified in the IEP. Vague accommodations are basically useless when every teacher gets to “interpret” them differently.

A few tips to consider:

• Define It in Plain Language
  Example: “Student will receive two additional school days, not calendar days, beyond the original due date for all assignments, unless otherwise mutually agreed upon in writing.”

• Add Clarification for When Teachers Are Absent
  Example: “If the teacher is absent on the original or extended due date, the due date will automatically extend by the number of days the teacher is unavailable.”

• Include a Communication Expectation
  Example: “Teachers will communicate any adjusted due dates in writing (email or learning management system) so the student and parent have clear documentation.”

• Specify for Tests and Quizzes
  Example: “Student will receive time and a half for all in-class tests and quizzes, consistent with College Board-approved accommodations.”

• Request Staff Training or Clarification
  Ask that teachers be given written instructions from the case manager or IEP team about how this is supposed to work across all classes.

You’re definitely on the right track. Tightening up the language now will save you a ton of headaches later.

• Whether it’s “Always get it in writing” or “Know your procedural safeguards,” we all pick up little gems of wisdom along the way.
• What’s one advocacy tip that has helped you the most?

Whew—this is such a powerful, clear, and unfortunately very common story for 2e (twice exceptional) kids in public school. First, you’re doing everything right—you’ve documented, provided outside data, shown samples, advocated consistently, and kept the focus on your child’s actual experience—not just the grades or scores.

Here’s the heart of the issue: your son is masking his disabilities with his strengths, and the school is choosing to see only the strengths. That’s not just frustrating—it’s a systemic failure for so many 2e kids.

You're right that "relative to ability" isn't part of the eligibility criteria under IDEA anymore, and that makes it harder to qualify under SLD if a student is still performing at or above grade level. But nothing in the law says schools can't consider the discrepancy between a student’s ability and their actual performance—or how hard they’re working to maintain those grades. That’s a red flag the team is ignoring.

Here are some suggestions and next steps:

1. Ask for an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) at public expense.
If the school’s reevaluation was surface-level or didn't fully assess his functional performance, especially in reading and writing under stress or timed conditions, this is your next move. You have the right to request it if you disagree with their evaluation. Read up before you do this (info on my site) because if the school declines, they're required to file for due process. 

2. Ask for data on how the writing accommodations are being implemented.
Teacher conferencing sounds nice, but without documentation, it's fluff. Ask: How often is it happening? What is being taught or corrected? How is progress tracked? I have a mini course on IEP progress monitoring.

3. Push for goals and services in written expression.
You have the samples. You have the documentation. He’s not meeting grade-level expectations independently. Use that language. Ask for a meeting to specifically address writing fluency, spelling, and on-demand writing without supports.

4. Bring in the emotional impact.
Stress, shutdown, refusal—these are all signs that he's not accessing the curriculum in a meaningful, functional way. Emotional distress is educational impact under IDEA.

5. Reframe the “good grades” argument.
Say: “Good grades with heavy scaffolding are not the same as skill mastery. He is not progressing independently or sustainably. That’s not FAPE.”

6. Consider requesting an FBA.
If he's overwhelmed, shutting down, or showing behavior at home tied to school stress, an FBA for emotional regulation in response to school demands might help. It also gives you a documented path toward support if burnout increases.

7. Lean into transition goals as you head toward high school.
That self-advocacy skill you mentioned? That should be in the IEP. You can ask for direct instruction in self-advocacy and executive functioning as he prepares for the next stage.

I know it’s exhausting—and it’s not fair that your son’s strengths are being used against him. But the fact that he wants to be in school, wants to do well, and is finally starting to speak up for himself? That’s a huge win.

You’re not overreacting. You’re seeing the iceberg the school is trying to ignore—and trying to steer your son safely past it. I have sample language for these requests, letter templates, in the IEP toolkit which is being revised right now. You're doing an incredible job.

Ugh, what a mess—and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The short answer? No, they should not be threatening to move your son back to his old school because of absences related to his disability.

Here’s why:

1. This is a disability-related attendance issue
   Your son has ADHD and severe anxiety, both of which are documented disabilities. The absences are excused and tied to medical and therapeutic needs, which means this isn’t just a truancy issue—it’s a disability access issue.

2. Placement decisions must be based on the IEP—not attendance numbers
   IDEA requires that placement decisions (which include which school he attends) be made by the IEP team and based on the least restrictive environment for that student—not on whether a principal or teacher is frustrated with absences. They cannot unilaterally change his placement because it’s more convenient or “easier for them.”

3. This could be disability discrimination under Section 504
   If the school is penalizing your child because of disability-related absences, that can be seen as discrimination. Especially if the absences are backed by doctor’s notes and tied to therapy or health care.

4. You need to put this in writing—now
   Send a formal letter/email to the school (cc the principal, IEP case manager, and district special ed director) stating:

• The absences are due to documented disabilities and supported by medical notes

• You are requesting that the IEP be reviewed and amended to include accommodations for medical-related absences

• You want written confirmation that they are not moving him without an IEP team meeting and without your consent

And make it crystal clear: if they attempt to move him based on absences, you’ll consider it a procedural violation and possible 504/ADA discrimination.

Also—document the teacher’s complaints if you haven’t already. That kind of pressure can sometimes lead to retaliation, and it’s better to have a paper trail.

You’re doing exactly what you should: standing up and asking questions. Now it’s time to put it in writing and hold the district accountable. You’ve got this.

• Schools love to say, “That never happened,” or “We didn’t say that,” or “We’ve never done that before.”
• What’s the worst case of gaslighting you’ve experienced?
• How did you document and push back?

It really just depends if it's going to open the door for you to get more services for the child, and if you want the services.

Here in PA, it's advantageous to do so, but every place and every family is different. I've written about this quite a bit, to explain the differences.

https://adayinourshoes.com/autism-whats-the-difference-between-medical-and-educational-diagnoses/